Bulls are like big dogs with big horns. They sit around in the desert and eat cactus all day. Sometimes people tie them up with ropes and ride them around. I saw an electric bull at the fair one time, and Margaret Shatskin said it made her bottom tingle.

Bulls are very dangerous mammals. They have sharp teeth like sharks and they have a big nose that breaths fire sometimes. The only way to tame them is with a red cape. One time my brother Todd tried to tame a bull but he was just using his plain old T-shirt and the bull bit right down on his chode. It made a sound like a crackling fire, and Todd had to be sewn up by Patches, the rodeo clown.

Bulls have natural enemies in the desert, like the poisonous scorpion and the pie snake. If you come across a bull in the wild, you’re supposed to play dead because bulls can smell heart beats. You have to hold your breath and lay real still other wise the bull willh gore you with his horns. My brother Todd tried to pee behind a rock one time that turned out to be a big bull. The bull got up and stepped on his cowboy rattle. It made a sound like cracking an egg except the yoke was red and Todd screamed like a woman.

Sometimes bulls come in from the desert looking for trash to eat. They’re fueled by orange peels and banana skins. They also eat coke cans and hay. You should never try to feed a bull because their mouth is like a wood chipper. One time, a bull came in from the desert looking for our trash because we had just thrown out a lot of hay. It was all mean and had red eyes.

“Watch out-a for-a the horns!” Shouted one of the Italian brothers from across the street. “That’s-a no Cannoli!”

“Si, Senor,” said the other brother, frantically waving a rolling pin. “You-a boys a-might get keeeeled!”

The Bull ran around and ate trash and we fed it brownies to make it slow. Todd wanted to try and saddled up and ride the bull, but he was under doctors orders to not get off of his special toilet after the last bull poked his poo-hole wide open and a bunch of Todd's hamburger came out.

One time Margaret Shatskin came over with a saddle. She said she wanted to ride her like a rodeo and got down on all fours. My mom came in and yelled at us. “Why don’t you go fuck someone else’s kid,” she said. My mom says that Magaret isn’t supposed to come over because she has fleas.