Planes are like trains but with no tracks. They’re filled up with people and fly around in the sky. They’re powered by jet engines that have the power of 18 dozen cars and run on a mixture of butter and beeswax. The first men to fly used complicated contraptions that looked like crippled birds and they crashed a lot.

My family and I took a plane to Florida to go see alligators. Alligators are like dogs covered in leather with a bear trap for a mouth. They eat whole watermelons and footballs for breakfast. If you’re ever near an alligator you should rub its belly to make it fall asleep. My brother Todd was wrestling with an alligator in Florida and the alligator thought that Todd’s tickle snake was a lungfish. The alligator chomped onto it and it sounded like when Kitty got stuck in the bear trap and Todd still has an alligator tooth rattling around in his tickle snake.

Before we left on the trip we had to make sure we were all packed up and ready to go. My daddy said that we were only allowed to carry a certain amount of stuff because the last time the airline gave us someone else’s luggage and Todd had to wear red lace panties for the week we visited Grandma. There was also a plastic stick with a motor in it that Daddy said we should give to Margaret Shatskin so she’ll stop trying to plug up her girl slit with my dingle.

The Airport was full of all kinds of people heading in different directions. It was very crowded and we had to wait forever in the waiting area before they let us on the plane. Once inside the plane we found our seats. Todd and I were next to the window. After we were in the air for a while they served us some food in little tiny plastic containers. Mommy told us to keep them because she wanted to use them later. The food tasted like barbecued tennis balls and it squiggled down my throat like a wacky wall-walker.

At one point, my brother Todd had to go to the bathroom. When he was in there he sat down to take a poo. When he flushed, the suction pulled on his weenus and the flusher slammed shut on his weenus. It sounded like when Daddy stuck the vacuum cleaner on Kitty’s poo hole to get the beans out and Todd had to have the flight attendant come pull his weenus out of the toilet. Daddy said the flight attendant spent a little too much time helping out.

Before we landed my ears were popping like crazy. The flight attendant just told me to relax my jaw and make my mouth like an "O." The landing was bumpy and one of our suitcases fell out of the overhead compartment and landed on an old lady. Maybe tomorrow I’ll write about the alligators we saw.