Every summer my family and I go to the beach. It’s called Paquetsquattonic Beach and it takes us forever to get there. Daddy usually lets mommy drive so that he can have some of his special cigarettes.

At the beach there is sea glass all over the place. It’s usually brown and smashed to bits near our towels. There’s new sea glass coming all the time and Daddy tells us to watch out for it because it falls from the sky sometimes. My brother Todd used to collect sea glass and one time some of the sea glass fell from the sky and cut open his ping pong pouch and one of his ping pongs fell out. It looked like the cow eyeball I saw at the science center and it was looking at me.

I like to make sandcastles. Sandcastles are castles that you make using buckets and shovels. Daddy and Mommy tell us to make a good sandcastle. If we don’t build it good then they’ll leave us at the beach. Then Daddy has more special cigarettes and falls asleep. One time Todd buried himself in the sand except for his man-squid. A flock of seagulls fell from the sky and pulled on it like it was a worm. They pecked a bunch of holes in his pringle can and it looked like shark intestine I saw at the science center. He had to pee through a straw and the doctor said he would never make babies because his spermlets were all peed out.

At the beach you have to watch out for jelly fish. Jellyfish are invertebrates and they have 127 legs each. They look like my fat aunt’s dress in the wind, and they float around in the ocean waves all day. If you get near them they sting you with their 135 separate legs and you get poisoned. The poison has to be peed on to be cured. My brother Todd was bit by a jellyfish’s legs one time on his fish-stick. It swelled up real big and looked like the sea cucumber that I saw at the science center. The doctor put a needle into it to drain all the pee out and it looked like when Daddy hit his finger with the hammer.

The beach is great because you can lie in the sun and catch some rays. You have to wear suntan lotion if you don’t want to get burnt. Margaret Shatskin was at the beach and she wanted to put lotion on my man hammer but Mommy caught her and told her to go hang out with the sailors like Mrs. Shatskin.