I had to go to the Doctor’s office for a check up the other day. The Doctor is a very smart woman with a white coat. Her office smells like band-aids and sickness. Doctors have to spend many years going to school and they cut up dead bodies and eat dead people’s food because they’re poor.

Margaret Shatskin wants to be a doctor. She’s always examining my wangle and poo-hole. She said that she could make a lot of money by examining wangles and poo-holes and testy-hoos so she needs the practice. She has a textbook about it called Nuggets. Mommy says that Margaret is a tramp and that her hands are covered in scabies and poo-dirt, so I’m no supposed to let her touch my wangle anymore.

The Doctor puts a special thing in my ear with a flashlight on it. She said that I have a lot of wax in there but I don’t hear her so well. She made me stand on a scale and weigh myself and see how tall I am. My brother Todd tried to weigh his weenus on the scale but it didn’t weigh anything and the doctor accidentally stepped on it. It sounded like when the doctor pumps up my arm to test my blood pressure and she had to wrap Todd’s weenus in a bunch of band-aids and ointments.

When visiting the Doctor’s office you should always be polite. The doctor used her stethoscope to test my heartbeat and then she hit my knees with a hammer to test my reflexes. My brother Todd played doctor with Margaret Shatskin one time and he tested her flexes. She kicked him square in the jelly bag and his jelly bag cracked open like an egg and a bunch of his red jelly came out. It looked like when Kitty had babies and Todd had to pee in a special toilet.

In a special examination room the doctor put her hand on my scrotum and dinkie-cord. She said that everything seemed to be in the right place, which isn’t the case with my brother Todd. She said his penis looks like a grenade went off in it.

The doctor gave me a clean bill of health and let me take some stickers and a lollipop. My brother Todd wasn’t so lucky. He had to take pills to help his pee stream but he still got a lollipop. He said he was supposed to give it to Margaret for practice.