The City is where a lot of people live. They all have sorts of different colored skins in the city and the buildings are very tall. My family and I went to the city one time because that’s where uncle Remus lives. Uncle Remus lives in what Daddy calls the People Zoo.

We took a train to get into the city. Trains are like cars but they run on tracks and are fueled by baby oil and crab cakes. If you put a penny on a track it gets all flattened. My brother Todd put his meat stick on the tracks one time and it got run over. It sounded like when Daddy over-inflated my bicycle tire, and Todd had to have his dingle inflated with other people’s blood from the hospital.

The city was really big and there were people everywhere. There are people who even sleep outside in the streets because there’s no room for them inside buildings. I think they eat squirrels from the park. The squirrels are like dogs but much smaller and they eat nuts. They have gray fur and they run on tree bark and cigarettes. My brother Todd tried to pick a fight with a squirrel that stole his cigarettes and the squirrel latched onto his special worm and bit the mushroom cap off. It sounded like when Kitty’s tail got stuck in the lawnmower and Todd needed to get 85 stitches on his mushroom cap.

When we got to the People Zoo it was full of people in cages. They looked like the monkeys at the zoo except they weren’t baking as many brownies. I think they’re not allowed to have ovens. Uncle Remus said that he was let out of his cage so he could come talk to us. He gave me a toy gun that he whittled out of soap and he gave Todd a funny look.

We saw a bunch of ladies walking down the street afterward. They were wearing lots of lipstick and you could see their boobies through their shirts. Mommy said that they were just like Margaret Shatskin because they put man hammers in their peaches for money and they wear tight pants that showed off their peach slits. I’m not supposed to play with Margaret anymore because I don’t have any money.

The city was hot and muggy. It smelled like grandpa’s pants. Daddy said he was glad we didn’t live in the city because of all the funny skin colors and people with big noses. On the way home we stopped at the Dairy Queen and I got a chocolate ice cream cone. One time Margaret Shatskin said that girl’s poo soft serve ice cream and she said that if I didn’t believe her she would show me.