tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54735142012-01-30T00:56:12.746-05:00Busted UpThe essays of Timothy B Tanglefrappe, 10. ...updated infrequently, at best...Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.comBlogger241100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1137549646445949902006-01-17T20:38:00.000-05:002006-01-18T17:21:26.673-05:00AntsAnts are god's tiniest creatures. They have three segments to their bodies and each one peforms a specific function. The front one eats, the bottom one poos out dirt like an earth worm. In the middle is electricity and poison. They have itty bitty jaws for cutting leaves and opening tiny cans of eggs that they eat for breakfast. Sometimes they eat other ants when they run out of Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com75tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1075833482425495912004-02-03T13:38:00.000-05:002004-02-03T13:39:42.200-05:00Beer.
a diary entry by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, age 10
Beer is daddy fuel.
He says that beer helps him close his ears when mommy is talking. He also says that it helps mommy open up her pecker wrecker when he’s feeling ornery. He told me that I wasn’t supposed to drink it until I was at least 14 and living out of the house and that if he caught me drinking it he’d smack my bottom with a belt. Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1075348896827696322004-01-28T23:01:00.000-05:002004-01-28T23:03:11.496-05:00Church
A diary entry from Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, age 10
One sweaty Sunday my parents and I went to church. It was called St. Stephan’s of the Hot Divinity Heart Blessing Burger. It had a drive through. My dad was really impatient and he said that he couldn’t waste time praying all morning because he had beer to drink. So we’d drive through the church and get our prayers biggie-sized. My Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1064506196460570852003-09-25T12:09:00.000-04:002003-09-25T12:12:49.223-04:00Bulls
an essay by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 9
Bulls are like big dogs with big horns. They sit around in the desert and eat cactus all day. Sometimes people tie them up with ropes and ride them around. I saw an electric bull at the fair one time, and Margaret Shatskin said it made her bottom tingle.
Bulls are very dangerous mammals. They have sharp teeth like sharks and they have a big nose thatMarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1063824874268027022003-09-17T14:54:00.000-04:002003-09-17T14:54:34.406-04:00The Tent
One time I slept in a tent in my backyard. My daddy said that he couldn’t go camping anymore because he couldn’t fit all the stuff on the back of his bicycle, and Mommy was tired of driving him everywhere. So my brother Todd and I pitched a tent in the backyard so that it was like camping.
Camping is something that the pilgrims did when they first landed in America and all the Indian Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1063212194031997962003-09-10T12:43:00.000-04:002003-09-10T12:45:27.763-04:00the braggin' dragon
a fable by Timothy Tranglefrappe, 9
The dragon flew up to the ceiling of the cage, and let out an enormous poo-wind that singed the tips of the boy’s hair and left stains on his armor. The dragon laughed and laughed. It was going to fart the boy to death. Sir Todd was no help. He was in the corner, picking up the pieces of his penis that had been blasted apart by the first Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1062689261321512612003-09-04T11:27:00.000-04:002003-09-04T11:27:41.320-04:00The House of 18 Rats
a fable by Timothy Tanglefrappe, 9
Once upon a time there was a house full of 18 rats. Inside the house were a boy and his older brother named Sir Todd. Every day the boy would take a stick and poke all the rats and try to get them to leave the house. 18 is an awful lot of rats. Sir Todd would try to get the rats out of the house as well but one time a rat thought that his Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1061995461202699362003-08-27T10:44:00.000-04:002003-08-27T13:44:17.826-04:00The Wind in my Britches
A fable spun by Timothy Tanglefrappe, 9
Once upon a time there was a little girl. Her name was Pomegranate Sharkskin. She had pigtails and wore a dress of the finest grain sacks in the land. She lived in a small hut on the side of the river.
Every day she would walk to the river and pick some hoo hoo fruit, showing it to the boy who lived on the other side. He was alwaysMarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1058805519864505472003-07-21T12:38:00.000-04:002003-07-21T12:38:39.816-04:00A note about Timothy.
Um, well…
I’m sure that a lot of you have been wondering what’s going on around here. I understand. But let me assure you that Tim is okay, as is Todd, aside from a split scrotum suffered from an unfortunate incident involved a tiny mouse costume and an elephant’s foot. He’ll bounce back, I’m told
The thing is, it’s become increasingly hard to come up with places and Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1057595396367711022003-07-07T12:29:00.000-04:002003-07-07T12:36:07.340-04:00The Pirate Ship
an essay by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
In my town there is a big pirate ship that was once used by pirates for pirating in the ocean. It’s old and rickety and it smells like rotten feet and it creaks like Grandpa when he walks. It’s down in the harbor where the water is all green and foamy like the wet patch in the backyard. The ship is called the Rising Wind.
We took a school Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1057163447984738022003-07-02T12:30:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.848-04:00The Fourth of July
An essay by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
The Fourth of July is America’s birthday. The president covers the white house with frosting and sticks a whole bunch of candles in the top and then each state gets two wishes for the year. Daddy says that most of them wish for money, but a couple of them wish for hookers.
Every year we celebrate by cooking franks and beans and Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1056992046340764082003-06-30T12:54:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.856-04:00The Plane
an essay by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
Planes are like trains but with no tracks. They’re filled up with people and fly around in the sky. They’re powered by jet engines that have the power of 18 dozen cars and run on a mixture of butter and beeswax. The first men to fly used complicated contraptions that looked like crippled birds and they crashed a lot.
My family and I took a Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1056727792745403182003-06-27T11:29:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.865-04:00The City
an essay by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
The City is where a lot of people live. They all have sorts of different colored skins in the city and the buildings are very tall. My family and I went to the city one time because that’s where uncle Remus lives. Uncle Remus lives in what Daddy calls the People Zoo.
We took a train to get into the city. Trains are like cars but they run on Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1056558799605699902003-06-25T12:33:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.873-04:00The Doctor’s Office
by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
I had to go to the Doctor’s office for a check up the other day. The Doctor is a very smart woman with a white coat. Her office smells like band-aids and sickness. Doctors have to spend many years going to school and they cut up dead bodies and eat dead people’s food because they’re poor.
Margaret Shatskin wants to be a doctor. She’s always Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1056385787679704962003-06-23T12:29:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.882-04:00The Ocean
by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
Every summer my family and I go to the beach. It’s called Paquetsquattonic Beach and it takes us forever to get there. Daddy usually lets mommy drive so that he can have some of his special cigarettes.
At the beach there is sea glass all over the place. It’s usually brown and smashed to bits near our towels. There’s new sea glass coming all the time Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1056131104598510232003-06-20T13:45:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.892-04:00Tim is taking a day off to collect his thoughts and determine the future of his site. He promises that he'll return on Monday with more hijinx and learning.
and then jesus found five dollars
--ed.
-###-Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1055951072985284212003-06-18T11:44:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.901-04:00Bears
by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
Bears are big furry animals that live in the woods. They have sharp teeth and claws. Shaking hands with a bear would be like shaking hands with a bunch of razor sharp bananas. The live in caves and sometimes hide in tree stands and dress up in shirts made of leaves.
You should stay away from bears because they can tear your arms off and beat you to death Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1055795977323105912003-06-16T16:39:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.914-04:00bonus story
to make up for weak material earlier today
One time when my brother Todd was sunbathing naked in the backyard a big eagle came down and thought that his whistle-fish was a worm on a rock. An eagle’s wingspan is six feet, about two feet more than Todd. It has razor sharp talons that can skeletonize a watermelon in mere seconds. The eagle sliced Todd’s private potato into ribbons. It Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-105578640351405702003-06-16T14:00:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.929-04:00The Recital
by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
One time my parents asked me to put on a show for them. They had been watching Star Search and thought that I might be a cash cow. I thought that meant that I should paint black splotches on my clothes and moo for them, but daddy's belt told me otherwise.
I hadn't done much singing, but my brother Todd once used his penis as a microphone. He was Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1055520316915908092003-06-13T12:05:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.937-04:00The Science Fair
by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
Every year we have to do a science fair project for science class at school. All of the projects are judged by teachers and stuff and then the ones whose parents helped the most get ribbons at the end.
This year my project was testing whether beans can grow in a cat's belly. Kitty ate a bunch of bean seeds the other day and she hasn't pooed in herMarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1055435328053658952003-06-12T12:28:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.946-04:00At The Zoo
by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
On Thursday we all went to the Zoo. We had to ride in the car for a long time to get there and mom and dad fought the whole time. Mom said that dad was in trouble for talking to the hooker last night at the Burger King. I don't remember my dad talking to a hooker, but he was talking to Mrs. Shatskin and she was giving dad a special massage.
Once we Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1055435274753785102003-06-12T12:27:00.001-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.955-04:00The Swimming Story
by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
One time my brother Todd and I went swimming in a swimming pool. Swimming pools are great because they're like big bath tubs but with no soap. I hate taking baths because I have to share the tub with Todd and he tries to hold my face under the water and drop "depth charges" from his poo-hole on my nose. There's more room in the swimming pool Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1055435220082130452003-06-12T12:27:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.963-04:00The afterlife
A presention for CCD by Timothy B. Tanglefrappe, 8
In the afterworld there is wrestling all the time. All the time. They have water fountains that spurt cotton candy and coffee makers that run on bubble gum. The clouds are like lay-z-boys, which is going to be awesome. I sometimes can't wait to be in the afterlife because that's where angels are.
Angels are like flying Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473514.post-1055435153413981622003-06-12T12:25:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:21:18.974-04:00Bees
An essay by Timothy R. Tanglefrappe, 8.
Bees are insects. They buzz sometimes. They move their wings in a circular motion, and sometimes flap them backwards to take advantage of lift in both directions. Bees take nectar from flower hoo-hoos and turn it into honey. They have tiny little honey pots inside their hives.
Stay away from hives because bees can sting and bite you. My brother Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13277101228324036629noreply@blogger.com0